Tuesday, October 19, 2010
I grew up on the coast of Florida with Kennedy Space Center right across the river and the space shuttle program in full swing. My parents did not work for the space center they both worked for banks. I had a poster on my door that said Girls Can Do Anything. I was encouraged to do just that go to college become successful in something.....At 11 or 12 I wanted to be a Navy Pilot and be a mom but not marry. My parents had just divorced and marriage was not for me.
At 17 I met my husband who was in the Navy and we married with me less than a year out of High School, I was 19. Was I wrong to give up what were supposedly my dreams to become a Navy wife and a little over a year later a mom at age 20?
When our daughter was 6 months old I finally went to college, I loved it, the learning part at least. One semester was enough for me I wanted to be at home with her not have someone else raise her. And learn what I wanted to learn not what someone else thought I should.
A few years went by and I had 3 young children I felt complete. I loved being a mom and wife even at the age of 24. Our youngest son passed away at 7 months old from a birth defect no one knew about, I was thrown into a world I didn't want to be in and so the dreams of my childhood started creeping in and making me feel unsettled in my choice of life. I wanted to run away from the pain...
Recently a friend told me one of the reasons she divorced she said she lost herself she was a mom and a wife but where was she. I pondered this question all the way home and thought long and hard on it. I feel I have lost myself in being a mom and a wife and in loosing who I was I have found who I am to become and that is liberating.
After I stopped pining for what could be, I found who I was in the pain of loosing a piece of myself. It became clear to me where I am suppose to be and how much I love who I am.
Our world is a selfish place it is me, me, and what can I get. I don't think people see past the ends of their own noses most of the time. Maybe if we did the world would be different.
I feel by living by my own standards and letting go of what the world sets as our standard we will truly find happiness. By loosing myself in motherhood I found who I am by being a wife I have learned what it is to be a woman our Heavenly Father wants.
I am where I am meant to be and in that I always know where I am, where I am to be, and what my destination is.
There is a song on my playlist Live Like You Believe I hope that you strive daily to live what you know in your heart is right and not what the standard of the world is.
Have a Blessed day.