Oatmeal, catnip infusion, scripture study, and finding peace in myself.
This morning I am sitting here looking thru the memories in my mind and thinking of all the things I have to do, prepare for, etc etc etc. Yes, the future is a daunting one for me, and trusting and letting it lay till it gets here is so hard. I worry about my children, I worry about the economy, I worry to much.
One of the things I have done to close out the world is I don't read the paper, or watch the news, I skim headlines on the internet, on our homepage but that is all. Yes, I shelter myself from it, but it keeps the worry at bay by not flooding myself with all the negative and creating anxiety in me.
This does not mean I am clueless as to what is going on in the world. I do find things out from hubby, friends, family. But I am not flooded with it morning, noon, and night. And for some reason that helps. I look at the news like the grocery store there is so much junk in it and to sift thru it to what is relevant is very stressful sometimes. So in the grocery I stick to the outside perimeter only skimming down the aisles every now and then.
I have so many things that pop into my head that make sense and makes me see the love that Heavenly Father has for me and I know it will be alright. But, then I look around and that trust dwindles and I start to feel anxious about so many little things.
2 Samuel 22:3 The Lord is my rock; in him I will trust: he is my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower and my refuge, my savior: thou savest me from violence.
As I stated yesterday, trust is very hard for me so this is a daunting task. I have trusted so much in the past only to be knocked down that I have put a wall up and it takes so much for me to trust an individual.
But, I know that trusting in the Lord is what I should do, he answers all prayers in his own time and how he knows is best for us.
Knowing and actually doing are two very different things. I am bombarded with the worlds expectations of us and I know is not for me, but the condemnation of others is hard. I am not faltering on my choices, but I am letting whispers, laughs, unkind words, questions make me feel less of myself.
Why do we feel we must judge those around us who are different or who choose to be different.
A story, this story does not mean I agree with this man's choices or that I am for his choices.
There is a man in one of the small towns we shop in, he is a cross-dresser. I have seen him in our Walmart during the day for all the world to see. He is in high heels, short shorts, a silver la may blouse, dangling earrings, makeup with red lip stick. He is most certainly a man, I walk by, take note of him in my mind, but keep walking. One day I am in Walmart, it is busy and he is there in the checkout near mine, waiting, people are behind him...pointing, laughing, degrading. He stands there his head held high, shoulders back. And I am in awe of his fortitude to stand there and deal with it. He might be hurting inside, but it doesn't show. I have never seen him in that Walmart again....
Is society's self esteem so low that we have to point, laugh, and degrade those who have found what they feel is right for them even when we disagree? I do not agree with this man and his lifestyle choice, but I do see him comfortable with his sexuality and his body to be who he is and show it, but I am not so low in my self esteem that I will judge him and mock him. I actually admire him and those around me who live, dress, work, and do what is in them. He has courage to live like he feels he should how many of us can say that?
I love to wear skirts, homemade clothing, be a stay at home mom, home school, garden, live in the middle of nowhere, beat to the tune of my drum, be debt free, and live like I know is right for me. I cannot say I have not and do not judge those who make different choices, but I do strive to understand and see them for who they are a child of God. I too am only human and learn daily to take note, but not condemn those around me.
When do we learn to look past the judgements of others and move on to not let that create worry, anxiety, or feelings of ineptitude?
When do we stop trying to fit in the box society has created for us and see that we all have talents, are different from each other? That cookie cutter mentality has created a society of people who are self righteous, self loathing people, who feel superior to all around them.
One of our vocabulary words yesterday was Youthquake. A weird word that came about in the 60's. It means our youth creating a wave that shakes our foundation and changes society's values, styles, etc. The kids and I talked about the entitlement mentality our society has and what it all means. Their writing assignment this week is to pick an article out of the world section of the newspaper and write an argumentative essay on the article. One of them was the violence and looting in London, neither one of them picked the article, but it was perfect for this word. They both agreed that asking in prayer and getting guidance from Heavenly Father is a much better use of their time then following the wave of styles, degrading of values, and the "fitting in" so many of their peers feel is what is suppose to happen.
I may worry about my children and their futures, but when they teach me I am humbled and reminded to trust in the Lord.
Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal
6 c quick cooking oats
1 1/3 cup dry milk (I omitted this)
1 c dried apples
1/4 c sugar
1/4 c brown sugar (I omitted both sugars)
1 tbsp cinnamon
1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp ground cloves
Mix all ingredients and store in an air tight container. To make add 1/2 mix to 1/2 boiling water.
I made mine without the powdered milk or sugars. And added honey to mine with coconut milk. 1/2 cup serving is more than enough, very filling. Though I am limiting my carb intake to a small amount daily this is perfect and without the sugar is very good.